Yes sir, that's my baby

It must be a generation thing – or some pathetic quest for 15 minutes of fame – for otherwise why would young lads queue up to claim paternity of a teenage girl’s baby?

Why on Earth would they want to be lumbered with changing nappies, walking the sprog or making child support payments out of their pocket money when there is property to damage, old ladies to mug, passers-by to abuse or stab, and booze and drugs to take?

It’s not that long ago that if a young girl found she was pregnant and Teenage Boy A was the prime suspect, you wouldn’t see his a**e for dust if Teenage Boys B, C, D and E put themselves in the frame in the paternity stakes.

Boy A certainly wouldn’t be hiring Max Clifford or demanding DNA tests – just in case he got the answer he didn’t want.

All this talk about dumbing down GCSEs and A-levels so that morons can succeed is one thing, but dumbing down in the getting-away-with-it game – now that really is dumb.

But the reality, I suspect, is that not only do they wish to brighten up their dull little lives with a bit of entertaining speculation in the tabloids, but also that they know there will be no punishment, just like there is no painful or even meaningful punishment for any of the other misdemeanours they casually commit.

(Can you feel a “bring back the birch then hang ’em anyway” rant building up here?)

What we need here is some radical thinking. With feral cats we either neuter them or have them put down, so why not do the same with feral kids?

It won’t infringe their human rights because to have those, you are required to prove you are human, and that lot haven’t really got much hope on that score.

One thing that does spring to mind, though, is that these so-called dads should join Fathers4Justice - at least they will still have the Spiderman outfits.