Sweet vole music

You know how it is. You are sitting in the office minding your own business when a headline catches your eye (Moral: Stop throwing your eyes around in public).

This is an occupational hazard when working in a newspaper office but, even in the kind of environment where silly headlines are batted back and forth willy as it were nilly, this one was a classic.

‘Bonekickers discover our oldest vole-eater’ it bellowed, atop a tale that analysis of the bones of Westbury Man from 600,000 years ago proved that he ate rhinoceros, bear and… vole.

Somewhat aside from the fact that I never knew rhinos inhabited Westbury (OK, let me have the jokes) it was decided that a much dafter headline would have been the title of that Dean Martin classic song, Little Old Vole-Eater Me – well, slightly amended, obviously.

Little do you realise when you tip such a small pebble over the edge of the precipice what momentum it will pick up. So we all took the rest of the afternoon off to come up with vole-related song titles (as you do – and if you didn’t get a paper last week, sorry ’bout that).

Here are most of the clean ones I can recall, but feel free to add your own in the comment field below.

And perhaps we should thank heavens the story wasn’t about that beaver running around Cornwall.


Stand By Your Vole

I Wanna Hold Your Vole

Dark Side of the Vole

Court of the Crimson Vole

Vole over Beethoven,

Vole in My Shoe,

O Vole Mio

I’ve Got You Under My Fur (by Vole Porter)

There’s a Vole in My Bucket

Vole With It, by Liam and Vole Gallagher

Baby, There’s Voles Outside

I Got a Vole, But I’m Not a Voltmeter

You’re a Pink Toothbrush, I’m a Vole

Vole not Dole

Vole City Walking

Love Volercoaster (little-known funk number by the Ohio Players)

Vole Lotta Love

I Knew the Bride When She Used to Eat Voles

19th Nervous Vole

Get off my vole

Good Volebrations


(And no, I don’t understand half of them, either. My age, I suspect).