Oh! What a lovely recession

How’s your recession going? Having a good one or is it all becoming a bit of a nightmare?
Many years ago it would often be heard said of someone: “Oh, he had a good war, y’know.”
This usually meant he did his fair share of shooting at Germans but managed to get back to dear old Blighty pretty much in one piece and found that his wife wasn’t pregnant by an American GI – either by luck or judgment.
We will soon be doing the same about this credit crunch malarkey, you mark my words.
“Oh yes, he had a good recession” will, in days to come, mean he stayed in a job, his firm stayed out of bankruptcy and his wife didn’t become pregnant by a bailiff.
But make the most of it, mes braves, because the tide will turn before you can say “Repossession, repossession, repossession.”
‘Ere long, mortgages will start to go up, just when you were harbouring thoughts that the building society may start paying you to live in your own home, and all those special offers will begin to dwindle as businesses realise that the more they discount, the less profit they are making.
You will know we have reached the turning point when Honda announces the closure of its Swindon plant and relocates its entire production to some bloke’s shed in Nempnett Thrubwell; when Domingo’s pizzas are offered at two for the price of three; that we see the arrival of the BOGO – a recession version of the BOGOF - which stands for Buy One Get One; and the 50% Off Sale – yes, everything’s half size.
Mrs A is trying to do her bit by spending her way out of the recession, although I have pointed out that a wild and reckless spree in the Pound Shop probably isn’t going to kick-start the economy.
No matter – her heart is in the right place. Not sure about various other body parts, though.
I, for my part, have decided to play an heroic role in saving our local pub by diverting a larger chunk of the housekeeping into the landlord’s coffers. I have been joined in this philanthropic gesture by several other brave souls who are eternally grateful to have a new excuse.
It’s reminiscent of the Dunkirk spirit in as much as we will soon be in deep trouble with the enemy and need a great deal of help to get home safely.