That just takes the biscuit

They just don’t get it, do they? Amateurs who dunk are like ladies who lunch – superfluous to the real world.
The tough dog-eat-dog biscuit world of professional dunking was rocked this week by the news that some geek of a professor has concluded that the chocolate digestive is the best biscuit for dunking because the melting chocolate helps to bind the biscuit together for longer.
No, no, no no!
Fools! Idiots! Incompetents (OK, that’s quite enough exclamation marks for one blog!).
Does this bloke not realise that the Society Of Dunkers’ Institute of Technology (SODIT), which runs all competitive dunking, from local leagues to the biennial World Championships, banned chocolate coverings from all dunking years ago because it gave an artificial and unfair advantage.
Why, it was only five years ago that the Greek dunker Theo Slopadopollop was thrown out of the competition for coating his little dunkee in a thin film of almost invisible white chocolate which enabled him to set what, briefly, was a new world record in the Morning Coffee event of 23 seconds before break-up.
As this was 20 seconds longer than the previous record it was regarded with some suspicion. As Slopadopollop had promptly eaten the evidence he seemed to be in the clear but a sliver of dunkee was found in his saucer and subsequent lab tests led to his downfall.
Now we get some boffin praising choccy coverings without any thought for the ramifications (I love that word – might use it again in a minute) for the sport.
Simply encouraging youngsters to dunk choccy bikkies could rob the whole dunking world of its youth policy, with no promising youngsters coming through the ranks for the Ginger Nut Tremble, Rich Tea Shake or Plain Digestive Wobble.
Ramifications.
There, I feel better for that.
(By the way, a recent survey said McVitie’s chocolate digestive was the most popular dunkee among the hoi-polloi. I wonder which biscuit brand commissioned the survey? Answers on a postcard to the Do They Really Think We Are That Stupid Department).