Wind of change in economy

You have probably heard the one about the Government wanting to tax fresh air because it’s one of the few things the Treasury has not got its sticky little pinkies on yet.
Alas, my friends, fact is stranger than fiction, although to be truthful (well, now and again, it don’t hurt) it’s not exactly FRESH air that is being eyed up.
Oh no, that would seem a little harsh. No, it is the decidedly UNFRESH stuff they are thinking of taxing.
OK, so it is an idea from the USA, and it is only the exhaust gases from cows and pigs that they have in mind.
But give the bandits at HM Revenue and Customs the merest hint of an idea and, before you can “Ooops, pardon me” they’ll have it enshrined in law.
The whole concept does, however, throw up (sorry!) a variety of intriguing ideas.
For instance, who would measure the taxable output, and how?
Would we be taxed on volume – in both senses - essence (that was put nicely, I thought) or a mixture of both?
Would it work as it does with cars and mean we would have to go to a testing centre once a year to have our CO2 emissions tested?
How on earth would self-assessment work?
Do you claim a rebate for constipation?
Would we pay a single flatulence rate or would there be a higher rate for big burners?
And if we were overcharged, would we be able to kick up a stink or would we just be left bellyaching?
The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind…..